Last week, the Boston Record put out a hit piece on the wrinkled lefty Caroline Kennedy informing us she has no charisma, as rumors continue to circulate that she may run for office in New York.
This week, the Boston Herald smashes the Kennedy dynasty remnant. Herald columnist Howie Carr considers Caroline's qualifications for office and does a nice bank shot by taking on Caroline's cousin Chris at the same time:
And in New York, Caroline Kennedy is being “urged” to run for something or other, most likely the Senate seat once held by Chris’s late father, Uncle Bobby.
That seat is currently occupied by a 50-year-old female, but what does that matter to Caroline? Doesn’t Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand know who Caroline is?
Caroline is 59, just back from a stint as Obama’s ambassador to Japan. (To learn about her stellar career in Tokyo, just google “Caroline Kennedy” and “boss from hell” and you can read all about it.)
Last week on the “Today” show, Caroline said: “I’m looking around to figure out what I would do next.”
How charming! How Kennedy-esque! Somewhat reminiscent of Uncle Ted’s first Senate campaign here in Massachusetts back in 1962. One of his sisters was quoted as describing the rationale behind the 30-year-old juvenile delinquent’s campaign: “Teddy has to do something.”
After all, he did have a lot of experience. According to a 1961 FBI report, during a tour of South America Teddy impressed State Department officials as “pompous and a spoiled brat.” One night in Lima he rented out an entire brothel for himself and his local limousine driver.
This New York Senate seat, which isn’t up until 2020, was first ticketed for Caroline back in 2009 when Hillary Clinton resigned to become secretary of state.
The thing about the Kennedys is, if they ever occupy any office, they assume it belongs to them permanently. JFK was the congressman from Boston until 1952, then his nephew Joe grabbed the same seat back in 1986 after 34 years of place-holding by Tip O’Neill.
So when Caroline demanded her uncle’s old Senate seat in 2008, she figured she was merely reclaiming her family’s birthright. But she quickly faded out of the picture once she started giving incoherent interviews — a family tradition.
Her Uncle Ted’s verbal tics were “uh,” “um” and “er.”
Caroline’s is “you know.”
In an interview with The New York Times in late 2008, she said “you know” 138 times. Speaking to the Daily News, she said it more than 200 times.
Asked about Teddy’s Senate career, she opined:
“It’s been, you know, the most, you know, rewarding life for him, you know.”
Yes, we know. But at least being a legislator is a career any Kennedy is well-qualified for. Ultimately, there is no responsibility. You run around bloviating, ordering Chivas after Chivas, grabbing underlings’ derrieres and shouting, “Do you know who I am?”
A most rewarding life for a Kennedy, you know.
Oddly, Chris Kennedy is running for a real job — governor of Illinois. Chris is described as a “businessman,” which I guess is better than most of his buck-toothed kinsmen, who’ve spent their lives failing the bar exam, getting arrested and becoming, you know, “filmmakers” or “philanthropists.”...
Perhaps Chris believes that the family “curse” that Teddy talked about after Chappaquiddick has lifted. The century-long Kennedy crime spree does appear to be abating — after all, only two family members have been lugged in the last six weeks.
Conor Kennedy, Chris’s 22-year-old nephew, was arrested outside a barroom in Aspen for disorderly conduct. And Michael Skakel, Chris’ jailbird second cousin, just had his murder conviction reinstated in Connecticut. He bludgeoned a 15-year-old blond neighbor girl to death with a golf club in 1975.
And then of course there was that drug raid at the family compound in Hyannisport a couple of weeks back. But that was a caretaker, right?...
Still, Chris probably has a decent shot of winning, because there is one great thing about elections in Illinois.
You can steal them, at least if your name is Kennedy. It’s another family tradition.