Thursday, April 9, 2015

Analyzing The Progressive Paradise

By Chris Rossini

Oh look, another "right":

Progressives are something else. They keep pulling those "rights" out of thin air. It's getting hard to keep up.

Let's see if I can get the big picture straight...

You, as an American, are special....some would say "exceptional". Your very existence causes the most amazing forces in the universe to do your bidding.

You have a right to an income just for being born. Since you have a guaranteed income, there is no need for you to labor. However, if your heart would be pleased by performing some labor, you have the right to a living wage.

Should you have some exceptional children, you have the right to universal Pre-K. *Obviously* your exceptional children have a right to a higher education too.

Should you, or your exceptional children get ill, you all have the right to universal healthcare. You also have the right to a safety net, should you get hurt while laboring, or if a recession falls from the sky (out of nowhere, and for no reason whatsoever).

You have a right to have all of your distinguishing characteristics cloaked. When others look at you, they do not see a man or woman....they do not see young or old....they do not see the color of your skin or the way that you present yourself.

All that they see is Person....a size-positive, age-positive, gender-neutral, and sexy Person.

Should you notice a disturbance in the Force, that is other Persons having more than you do, you have the right to vote for a representative. Your representative (who has listened to "your voice") will forcefully extract their income, assuring that they "pay their fair share" in eradicating income inequality.

When you get older, you have the right to a Social Security income. So if you put it all together, your income needs are covered from birth until death.

That's how much society loves you.

You are an American Person.

You are Free.

1 comment:

  1. Chris, your punch line, "You are Free", is a punch to the gut. Fabulous!